Technology has spawned a vast number of new words, and continues to do so ever faster as the pace of technological advance increases. The computer industry, in particular, has a whole sub-language of its own. I’m not talking about programming languages, of which there are hundreds, each with its own vocabulary and syntax. But computer-eze has invaded the English language, and by extension, many other languages as computers have spread worldwide.

How widespread is it? Well, the latest edition of the American Heritage Dictionary added more than 800 new terms related to computers, the Internet or electronics.

I’ve been in this business for a long time, and yet – even with the assistance of such helpful dictionaries - I get confused. One lonely Sunday, I received a completely incomprehensible email meant for Mike Morris of the network group. A different Mike Morris. But I just had to read it – and then I had to save it.

The names have been changed to protect the writers:

DDE FOLLOW UP:

Friday: Franz K (DDE LAN Administrator) requested assistance with a Sniffer to check wiring. The DDESFO1 file server was intermittently crashing.

Saturday: On Friday afternoon the server was still crashing. I asked Dorian G to meet us at DDE with the sniffer. Later that evening I searched the HP forum on CompuServe for any information on servers crashing and with Tech Support CPO-GO at home. A help-desk technician said that the HP EISA LAN cards in some servers would cause the system to crash. Later that evening I drove to the GO, picked up two spare HP Hubs and two ISA LAN cards to use the next day.

Sunday: Afternoon. Myself & Mark T meet at DDE to work on the server. The two EISA LAN cards were replaced with the ISA cards and the server was brought up. The server was stressed with five workstations on LAN segment 62 and five workstations on LAN segment 32, simultaneously copying files to/from the server. With the 10 workstations copying files the Server utilization ran consistently between 60% and 65% for over two hours with no crashes. Previously with only two or three workstations logged on copying files, the server would crash within five minutes.

Monday: The server remained up with no crashes.

Tuesday: The server configures on line with no crash. I spoke to HP Network Support Group about the server crashing with the HP 27248A EISA LAN cards. HP is well aware of the problems with the HP 27248A card. They have internally documented several configurations (see HP memo below) with NetServer LF, LC & LM systems, and are aware of the Vectra ST, which have caused the system to crash. We noted that each HP 27248A card uses 25% CPU utilization, with two or more cards servers have crashed. Because of these problems HP is internally recommending that the HP 27248A cards be exchanged (no charge) with the HP J25277A 10/100VG Selectable EISA Adapter.

I made arrangements to get the EISA cards exchanged. On Monday, call the NP HELP Desk to open a trouble ticket to be assigned to him. He will make the arrangements with VANSTAR to get HP to exchange your cards.

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Excerpt from HP internal e-mail

The HP 27248A EISA LAN Adapter/32 TP is experiencing performance and configuration problems in the following situations:

1. Due to the method used to work around a problem with the Intel P01/EISA chipset on the HP NetServer LE and LO, this causes an incompatibility between the adapter and system.

2. The processor's arbitration that occurs in no HP NetServer SMP LM (dual processor) causes an incompatibility between the adapter and system.

3. The HP Netserver LM has its cache memory access mode default to write back mode. The HP 27248A cannot function in Write Pack Mode due to an Ethernet controller underrun problem. The cache memory access mode needs to be set to write through mode to solve the Ethernet controller underrun problem however this causes a decrease in overall system performance. A pre-sales communication directing/recommending customers to use the new HP J2577A 10/100VG Selectable EISA Adapter is planned.“

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These guys should make nerd of the year.

This is only a small example of the ever-growing computer lexicon. I could go on forever, but I may have caught a virus. I think I’ve caught a bug. Some of my memory seems to have been erased. I’m going home to crash.

(Mike Morris has been a computer consultant for more than 20 years.)